The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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