just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Still dying that you shit outside
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
