i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So squirting runs in the family.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
