I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just puked most of my soul out..
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