Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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