Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
