you guys were way drunker than both of me
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
