She is in my trunk
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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