we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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