wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
