Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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