so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
