Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
