he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize