I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
