The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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