She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You took a bar mat shot.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
