so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
