yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
