we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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