I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
