I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
