There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
