Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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