i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize