your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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