my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
