My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
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