My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
