was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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