you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
