just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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