I hate your face
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
