you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
