it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
