I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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