Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
