It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
