Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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