I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
