Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
