I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i think i have two assholes
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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