you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
