I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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