Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
