I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
no you cant smoke seaweed
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
