booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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