dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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