So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
