sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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