Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
