Just fell off a train. Bad.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize