I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
