Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
