If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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