I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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