You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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