Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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