So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
