get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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