i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize
