Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
