Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
