Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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